Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
