dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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