She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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