So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Come see our sink grown plant.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
