and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
