Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
