i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Are we still banned from the library?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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