i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
