this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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