why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
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Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
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I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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