doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
