i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
