btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
