I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
