Pants 0. Shit 1.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
