If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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