I wanna bring you to show and tell
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
