Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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