we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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