three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
