I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
