May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
