I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I love having hate sex.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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