I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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