I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
someone owes me an orgasm
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
