I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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