They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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