Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
