glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
