I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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