what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
