Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
