Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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