Just cropdusted the office
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
