Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
