Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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