Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have aggressive nipples.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
