Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
