The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
