"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
