Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
