why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
When are your genitals available?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
