Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
