It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
