ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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