he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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