How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
