If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
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I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize