I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
