I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
