I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
