Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
