I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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