Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
