i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
