I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
