your parents love me but you hate me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
