Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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