it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
