Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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