The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
