He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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