You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
