mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
