Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
