Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
