i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
