it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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