Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
