Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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