I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
