I looked at my own cervix.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
