Sry I called you an 8
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
