brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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