So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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