i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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